What I Deserve Versus What I Want
by miralayeah
Summary: Starts from the rain kiss.  Oh Ha Ni makes a snap decision about Baek Seung Jo and Joon Gu. Will she regret it? How will she handle it?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Baek Seung Jo stands before me in this pouring rain. The guy I've loved for 4 years and counting. The guy who didn't know I existed til I sent him a love letter. A love letter he edited. He is the only one who can make me cry in a second then smile a second later. Now after my heart breaking too many times because of him, he stands before me, seemingly taunting me, "You like me. You like only me." Confused but not surprised, I question his sudden arrogance. "You can't like anyone else but me." I'm tired of this. Why is he pointing out the obvious? "Yes! It's true! I can't like anyone but you! But you never see me. Someone like you could never look at someone like me.." His face is filled with emotion I can't read. He drops the umbrella oh so perfectly and starts to lean towards me for a kiss. He's too fast for me to react. I end up kissing him back. As he gasps for air, he smiles and playfully yet seriously warns, "Never say you like another man," and leans in for another kiss but I push him away. Hah, if our high school classmates could see the confused look on his face right now, they'd be surprised how dumb he looks.

I push him away and think of Bong Joon Gu. Joon Gu, the man who's attempted to be there to wipe every tear that's streamed down my face. The man who's willing to do anything to be my side. The man who would take a bullet for me. The man who claimed himself as my "home" that I can go to anytime. He asked me to marry him and I never gave him a straight answer. He knows my heart lays with Seung Jo but he's willing to wait. Tonight, I also pushed him away as he tried to kiss me. I'm too confused. I'm too hurt. But for the first time, I need to be smart and make a decision.

"Baek Seung Jo. Why now? Why do you like me now?"

"I don't know.. I guess I fell in love with your power. Your persistence. And you're adorably annoying side," he says with a wink only slightly aware that I'm not in the mood to joke around anymore.

"You show interest in me after I tell you that my answer to Joon Gu is none of your business. You show interest in me after I say I'm moving and probably won't see you often," I hope the suspicion is clear in my statement.

"You're slow to catch on. Even my mother sees through me," he chuckles.

"I'm tired." And clearly not amused.

"What's wrong? Isn't this what you wanted? I fell for you! I only see you!"

"Don't tell me you never looked at He Ra."

He wanted to interrupt but she wasn't going to let him.

"I was finally moving on with my life, accepting I'd never be the one you see and then you go and show interest in me. I've cried over you too many times to count. You've hurt me deliberately and on accident. I know I don't deserve a smart, handsome guy like you but what makes you think you deserve me?"

Seung Jo was speechless for the first time in his life. Did he really think it'd be this easy getting what his heart desired? And when did Ha Ni get so smart?

"I don't think I should be with you. I see that now. I don't know if you'll be hurt by me but if you are, that's merely a fraction of my pain crushing on you. I'm sorry." Ha Ni walked away and let the tears flow for Seung Jo one last time before meeting with Joon Gu to apologize and give him her answer.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

"I don't want to marry you," I said to Joon Gu as I grabbed the liquor bottle from him. His face fell to the ground from cloud nine. I stood there waiting for him to ask to explain. Didn't seem like he was going to so I continued, "I'd like to date first. Marriage is too big of a step for us. We haven't even had two dates…" It seemed to take awhile for him to believe what he was hearing but when it finally sunk in, he jumped with joy while hugging me tight. I smiled but the joy of seeing him so gleeful didn't last long as I realized what I was committing myself to.

"Ha Ni.. Do you still have to live with that jerk, Baek Seung Jo?"

"I will love wherever my dad lives. Don't think about talking to him about it either. Baek Seung Jo's father is my Father's best friend, they should be near one another."

"Okay. Shall I send you home?"

"No. I'd like to be alone for awhile. Text me when we'll have our second date tomorrow. Goodnight, Bong Joon Gu."

"Goodnight, my dear Ha Ni," he said with an exuberant smile as he opened the door for me while he hummed his joyful heart out.

I didn't want to think and I definitely couldn't drink, who knows what would happen. With no other visible option, I dragged myself home, a home that I wouldn't live in for much longer. My dad and Baek Seung Jo's parents greeted me in the living room.

"Where have you been?" my father exclaims.

"With Bong Joon Gu," I nonchalantly say.

My father calms down. He seems to know of Joon Gu's proposal. "How'd he take it?"

"Very well. He's going to text me when we shall have our next date." Wanting to avoid questions, I quickly feigned a yawn, said my goodnights and headed upstairs with my head down.

_poof_

"Oh," I said as I bumped into something. I looked up to see a stoic Baek Seung Jo.

"You said yes." Question or statement?

"Not to marriage." No answer.

"I trust him with my heart. Goodnight."

Despite all my efforts, I couldn't sleep. Or I wouldn't. I opened the window and stared out of it. I wish the darkness would swallow me so I wouldn't have to live without Baek Seung Jo. I start daydreaming again..

"Never say you like another man," he says with a smile as he leans in for another kiss, a kiss more passionate than the first if possible. I feel like I'm kissing an angel…

I awake to the realization that Seung Jo is an angel. He is definitely out of my reach so why was he stretching down his arm to me? Pity was the only answer I could think of. Aish, why'd he have to kiss me? I ruffled my hair and yelp in frustration. All of a sudden my door swings open, "Quiet down, will you? I'm trying to sleep. Stupid." I only smile and think of how much I'll miss Eun Jo. Despite his taunts and teasing, he's a pretty decent kid. I'll miss this place… As I frown replaces my smile, my eyelids close and I go into a deep slumber…


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Omg I'm so excited that I got reviews x) thank you soo much. If anyone has ideas of what they want to see in this story, please msg me or tell me in a review ;D Should this go towards Baek Sung Jo or Joon Gu all the way?**

"OH HONEY!" Joon Gu says with that goofy smile of his.

I walk towards him, all decked out in pink and white.

_A week had almost gone by without a word from Joon Gu and I was starting to _

_wonder but my phone rang a few seconds later. "Good morning, my lovely Ha Ni. _

_Movies. My pick... Unless you want to pick. 4pm.. Or whenever you're free," the _

_text read. I couldn't help but chuckle at his diligence and timing. I figured he _

_thought a few times about what to text. I ended up texting back, "Okay Joon Gu." _

_Realizing how dull that sounded, I sent a smiley face text._

Joon Gu is wearing dark blue jeans, a plaid (red and black) shirt, and a beanie.

Wow, he looks good. I didn't particularly like that little hair sticking out but

then again, it was a part of him.

"What are we going to watch?" He hadn't told me the movie we were going to see, said he wanted it to be a surprise.

"Um… An American movie. It's called Mean Girls. I heard it was comedy… unless you prefer something else." He had this strange look on his face.

"Oh, I'm not good with Eng—"

"Ah! Of course me, Joon Gu, knows that! That is why I got it Korean-subbed just for you!"

"Oh! Okay. That's fine. Let's go."

"Phew. I had them specially set it up for us." Joon Gu breathed a sigh of relief and I figured out the look on his face earlier was about.

We walked to get popcorn and drinks. I was about to pay for the food and drinks when Joon Gu dramatically sliced his arm in front of me and said, "I shall pay for my lady and I!" I couldn't help but chuckle and think to myself how lucky I was to have a man who only saw me in his heart.

After the movie, we walked out confused as two rabbits in a snake hole.

"What is the meaning of 'butter my muffin'?" I asked, full of questions.

"I'm not sure… Why was she white if she was from Africa?"

"I don't know either. Why did she tear the tiara apart?"

"Sorry… I guess we should've stuck to Korean movies…"

"It's okay." I smiled at him to assure him. "I enjoyed seeing an international movie. It was my first time."

He yelled at the top of his lungs, "WOOHOO! First time with Han Ni!"

"YA! Ssshhhh. Do you not know what that means?"

"Yes… It means I did something with you for the first time."

I couldn't hate him. I just laughed. His unintentional dumbness was adorable. I couldn't tell whether I was falling in love with him or I was pitying him.

The rest of the date, we walked around and ate stewed chicken. We got to know each other on a whole different level.

"Where are your parents?" I asked.

His smile was drained out of him for a quick second that if I blinked, I would've missed it.

"I don't know," he said with a smile. "Let's bring you home. I have to work with your dad today."

I was stuck on a career to choose. I surveyed my interests and tried to decide. I enjoyed donating blood, knowing that I was helping someone… I also enjoy eating food… I don't like running. The cycle continued, always ending with something I didn't enjoy. I hear the door creak and I run down the stairs to greet my dad.

"Dad!"

"Ha Ni. Were you with Joon Gu today?"

"Yes," I smiled proudly.

"I will support you no matter what, you know that right?"

"Yes…" My smile faded in concern.

"I will tell you this once. If you are serious about Joon Gu, marry him. If you're not, let him go. It seems like someone at the restaurant has taken an interest in him."

**A/N: It can go either way! You decide? Or help decide? Dun dun…**


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

**A/N:** Thank you, reviewers :D Sorry for the slow updates! I've been busy with school. D: I'll try to put another chapter this weekend because I owe it to you guys :D Thank you for reading and reviewing!

I wake up to the scent of yummy noodles… and my drool in front of my computer. Sigh, I fell asleep searching for possible careers to pursue. I head downstairs to have another awkward breakfast.

I quickly eat my food. Baek Eun Jo teases me once again.

"Yah! What are you? A cow! Who said to eat so fast?" Thinking I couldn't hear him, he mutters, "Fool."

I chuckle at his comments because that's really all I can do…

"Baek Eun Jo, stop."

"Hyung! You've changed. You can't defend this girl who rejected you."

I excuse myself from the humid awkward atmosphere but I hear his mother hiss at Baek Eun Jo. I could just imagine the jokingly-disappointed look on her face. It's enough to bring a smile to my face for a few seconds. I decide to continue my search just when my father comes in to check on me.

"Ha Ni, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I smile to reassure him.

"Have you already packed?"

The thought of us moving had totally slipped my mind and by the look on my face, my father could tell. He chuckled and said that he'd assist me. While we were packing, we came across my baby prints. We took a moment of silence. A tear slipped from each of our eyes simultaneously. I jumped into my father's embrace. I appreciate my father so much. He's my number one. I'd do anything for him and I know he'd do anything for me. After my sobfest, we finished packing what was mine. There wasn't that much, seeing as how Auntie Geum Hee gave me many things. I took a few of her gifts, of course. I wanted to remember this place no matter what. Auntie was in denial for the rest of the afternoon. My father decided that we should at least stay for dinner. Until then, my search remained ongoing. I had my choices narrowed down: nurse, dental assistant or pediatric doctor. The doctor one scared me a bit and was last on my list but I liked the idea of working with kids. It pleased me to see smiling children.

After accomplishing a narrower list, I decided to spend some time on the balcony.

_"I will tell you this once. If you are serious about Joon Gu, marry him. If you're not, let him go. It seems like someone at the restaurant has taken an interest in him."_

I look up to the sky for answers but only see taunting clouds that laugh with one another. Probably laughing at me. Am I serious about Joon Gu? Is this pity? Is this what Baek Seung Jo feels about me? Ah, chincha. I scratch my head violently at my indecisiveness. What happens if I break his heart? What if I change my mind again? What do I do?

I go back into my room and decide that my career is more important than my love life.

Me as a dentist assistant… Yuck. I do not want to touch the mouths of other people. I can imagine accidentally chipping off someone's tooth… My father would have to help me if I get sued. No, that's out.

Me as a pediatric doctor… Ah, kids are so cute… What if I get a mean kid? What do I do? I can't stand up to kids, especially with their parents there. Ah! The parents will control them… No, I remember that time a kid spat in my face and the mother smirked. I'd get beaten up by a kid. What would my dad say?

Me as a nurse… I could do anything! In the beginning, I'd make sure the elderly felt comfortable. I'm good with talking. I like the scrubs they wear. I'd get a pink one with bears on them, hehe. And I could support my father!

I smile wide at my final decision. As I push off the table to get up, someone knocks on my door.

"Who is—"

The door reveals Baek Seung Jo…

"Good luck with moving and everything." Even now, his expression is stoic towards me.

As he leaves, I can't help but tear.

"Oh, and thank you."

I question him with my puzzled look and he chuckles.

"So forgetful. How are you going to major in something? Thank you for helping me decide in my career. I will be a doctor."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"WHAT?"

It's his turn to be puzzled. "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I still have to pack."

"Okay… Goodbye."

It's close to dinnertime and the only things to pack were my bathroom essentials and my school things. As I hurriedly pack the last of things, I think about my decision and his decision.

It's not like we're going to be in the same hospital, right? And it's not like I'm becoming a nurse to be close to him. Also, I'm not even going to be living with him… Ah, why'd he tell me first? I should've been the one so it doesn't seem like I'm after him again. So unlucky.

"Ha Ni! Dinner."

"Yes, Dad! Coming!"

I was politely quiet during dinner, same with Baek Seung Jo and Baek Eun Jo. Auntie was being upset at our leave and was quiet also.

"Ahm, well this has been nice. We should start loading the car. Friend, help me." My dad isn't very subtle in breaking the atmosphere.

After the dads finished loading our van, it was goodbye time. We've been through it before but it didn't make it any easier for Auntie. I would really miss her. She treated me like one of her own and I'm so grateful for that. I hope I can still see her. I will probably see her at the wedding. Auntie finally got over her emotions and left me with a smile and more love.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, Dad." I hugged him from the passenger seat.

~~~Next week~~~

"Joon Gu, yah! What are you doing?"

It's our third date. He brought me to an amusement park. I act as if it's so cliché but I love cliché.

"What? I cannot hug you? The other couples are doing it and you're so cute!"

I can't help but smile. He never fails to make me chuckle at his innocent love.

"Ha Ni! Let's ride that one!"

He points to a roller coaster. My face pales while he's not looking but I perk up as he looks for my agreement that I give. We go towards the ride. I get nervous as the line flows but Joon Gu tries to calm my nerves. Finally, we get on the ride and the ride head up for a fall.

"Ha Ni, it's going to be al—AHHHH! HA NI HOLD ME!"

Instead of crying and screaming, I'm laughing and cheering. Joon Gu, on the other hand, looks like he wants to throw up.

The ride ends while a smile on my face and Joon Gu rushing out to find the nearest garbage can or bathroom. Luckily, there's a bathroom right beside the roller coaster. I patiently wait outside, beaming with pride that I overcame my fear of roller coasters. It's all thanks to Joon Gu. As soon as he comes out, I run to hug him. Caught by surprise, it takes awhile for him to hug me back.

"Thank you. Thank you for bringing me here. I'm no longer scared of roller coasters, thanks to you."

Immediately after I say this, he lifts his groggy expression and says, "Of course! I will be your knight in shining armor, protecting you from everything. I will always be here for you…"

"I know… Thank you."

He scratched his head, deciding whether or not to tell me something it seems. Finally, he looks me in the eye.

"I know I've told you this a million times but I know you've always felt as I wasn't serious but I'm going to tell you again and listen carefully because I am 100 percent serious."

I gulped and nodded for him to procede.

"Ha Ni, I love you. I've loved you since the moment you saved me. Even if you always looked at Baek Seung Jo, my love for you has once wavered." He looked to the ground, took a deep breath and looked back to me. "I need you because I love you. I want to be the one you cling onto when you're scared. I want to be the shoulder you cry on when someone hurts you and when someone hurts you, I want to be the one to defend you and beat them up. When you're hungry, I want to cook for you and feed you like they did with that kid movie with the two dogs… Ah, I forgot the name but that's beside the point. Ha Ni, I know it will take awhile for you to get over Baek Seung Jo and I'm willing to wa—"

I couldn't help myself. The tears were forcing themselves out. My heart was aching with happiness. I was so lucky to have this man. I grabbed his face and kissed him. I could feel him smiling during our kiss. His smile made me smile and our smiles turned into laughter. He still held my face close to his and I held his close to mine.


End file.
